Can't get enough of rollercoasters. What a great way to exercise your ability to be present, and enjoy an anticipated moment. I would like more practice. Soon.

Sigh.

It's funny how quickly I shift from lazy pile of cat poo to nervous about not exercising for two days in a row after having (gasp!) three bowls of my new favorite cereal (fruity bunnies by the makers of Annie's Mac and Cheese).

Three is a bit excessive and shows my extra special will power capabilities, but seriously. I'm doing good work here. Gonna stick out living alone for a while longer. Managed to pay June rent, and will likely do myself a minor disservice and activate one of the credit cards that I've had shut down for the year (perhaps a reinstatement for my one summer trip each year will have to do until they are paid off...in four years!) for my trips to CT, NYC, OH, and Mexico so that I'm not borrowing tons of money from my wonderful friends. And so that I can rent a CAR without having to load up my debit acct with much needed cash. I have to remember that Chion and I are partners, or coworkers on the tail end of a business trip so that we can both drive our rental without paying a fee. Love the gays!

My ten-day behavioral modification "cleanse" has done the trick...for NOW. Gotta keep it up. So far, so good. It's tough going from clearly outlined and measured planned meals to adding in your own goodies to keep it fun. But - I've done it before

Went skating with Bina today - what freeking fun! All this girl needs is a half interested audience of one to cut into the trick making and practice to make for a GREAT session with big jumps and funny disasterous spins. It felt really REALLY good to be out there. I never doubted that my therapist had a point when she would inquire as to whether I'd been getting out on the Ice as a measure of my sanity, but I FEEL it sometimes. Today was one of those days. I even want to go back, like I couldn't get enough in that hour! I think it's also because I got to share laughs with the folks on the ice - I always relax when I know that I'm reading "fun" rather than "bitch skater ice hog". I've never been the latter, and I fully see it as an unnecessary irrational fear that only serves to limit me and slow me down, much like my serious fear of pool and hot tub grates/drains/intake filters.

Also worth noting that I've had several dreams starring Brad in recent days. Likely related to Ron popping back up in my little life, and the return of a nursing colleague that I have a big ol' straight crush on (he's deliriously married with a new teeny baby girl) who without a hair cut and in his crunchy ass outdoorsy boy clothes is the SPITTING image of mr Brad. Eeep.

May have to sue him for unsafe practice if he keeps that hair. Or something drastic.

Time to get my watch fixed. Tra lala.

It's day SEVEN of my "discipline cleanse"...and it's laughable how easy it has been. House party - still on track. My "cheat" has been fig flipping newtons and milk each day. I impress myself. Trust. So, at the end of this, I hope to be back on the workout wagon, although I sense it will be the biggest challenge in this go round with the Ten Day (last time, it was 100% about food, I worked out 2 times a couple of days without really trying very hard to keep on it).

I'm a little proud, and a little acutely aware of mexico and walking around in my cheapo old navy bikinis.

As hoped, I do feel better, more connected with myself and my folks, and more capable of getting SHIT DONE. Much less whining and staring at the walls. And I went ice skating twice last week - and LOVED IT.

Was supposed to meet miss Pamela and her friends for Carnivale today but slept in. Could still go, but she's got a migraine brewing and is heading home to deal with it. I've decided to sleep some more and (maybe) hit up the rink in a couple of hours. We'll see.

Got all my plane tickets set up for my crazy june vacation, now have to try to get some for becky's play/performance sometime in July (!). Hoping Kathers will join for that one.